I have had a recurring dream for months....possibly years. It's very stressful and interferes with my sleep. In this dream I am in bed, but my bed is perched precariously on top of something that I've been told will cave in if I stand on it. It might be an old basement, cesspool, or something else akin to a sinkhole that could collapse at any moment. There's another dream where my bed is under a rickety ceiling fan that is flying at top speed and threatens to fly off right on top of me.
Last night, I managed to awaken myself, get out of bed, get my bearings and realize that I was safe and always have been. I crawled back in bed, fell asleep, and promptly began having the dream again. This time I kept consciously pulling myself back to the notion that I was at home safe on solid ground in my nice cozy bed.
The aha moment came this morning in the shower when I finally connected with the meaning of my dream. There are so many things I want to do in my life. I want my life to be full of fun doing things that bring joy and purpose to me. My current situation used to bring me lots of joy and purpose, and going to work was fun.
Unfortunately my energy has shifted so that it seems more like a sick game I play. It has become a series of mundane and frustrating tasks that must be performed to keep so-called
authorities at bay and protect "us" from being "dinged" or "tagged" as low-performing. It is a task that requires me to attempt to control other people in ways they do not want to be controlled. I am making a conscious effort to be grateful and see the positives of my role, and yet if find myself desperately searching for an escape.
And now back to the dreams...I have ideas about what I'd like to do. I have a vision for something I believe would rekindle my sense of fun work. There are many signs that suggest I should step out in faith and follow my passion, and yet, there are many people who suggest that doing so would be foolish and unsafe. They suggest stepping out would be akin to stepping on that cesspool/sinkhole. It would bury me, my family, and my dreams.
Yet in every one of my dreams, the bed never gets swallowed up. The rickety fan never falls on top of me. The world doesn't come to an end because I stepped on the supposed sinkhole, and even slept on it with heavy furniture. I just do so with a panicky nervous agitation, afraid that at any moment all will collapse and swallow me up. But it won't.
I realize that I am an eternal being. I have a Father who wants me to be happy and full of joy. He allows me to ask and it will be given. He does not want me to feel frustrated and agitated all the time. He has given me the opportunity to fulfill many purposes in my life and to learn many lessons. He showed me that my brothers can walk on water. One of them, Peter, got nervous and started to go under, but Big Brother was there to strengthen his faith and together they walked to the shoreline. If they can walk on water, then I can step out on what appears to be a sinkhole and trust that I am on solid ground, because I will be holding my Father's hand...even if everyone else says I'm going to sink.
"And I've got a peaceful, easy feelin', and I know You won't let me down, 'cause I'm already standin' on solid ground."
Stills from the shoot. :)
7 years ago